Crossing Our Fingers!!!

Yesterday, after my last post, another agency called and asked if we would be interested in a baby boy. He was born prematurely at 31 weeks and only weights 3 1/2 lbs. Both of his parents are refugees from Sudan, and the mother has already relinquished her rights. The adoption fees were significantly lower, and Medicaid was covering all birthmom and baby medical expenses. We said, "Yes!", of course, and so again we sent our profile to the birthmother to be reviewed, along with other profiles the agency sent out to her. They told us that we would know the next day! This time, I really tried to not involve myself emotionally because I had already gotten my heart broken twice just in the last week! Leland and I just felt really calm....with a little pinch of nerves here and there throughout the night and into this morning.

I worked at my P.T. clinic this morning, which was nice, because it kept my mind off of everything. Then once I got home, Leland left to go running to train for his upcoming marathon. Within 10 minutes of him leaving, I got a call from the agency. "Hey Robin, how are you?" Me: "I dunno....goooood???" Agency: "Well, ______ liked your family!" Me: "Are you serious??? EEEEEeeeeeeeeee!!!! EEEeeeeeeeee!!!! She picked us?!" Them: "Yes, she picked your family. We need you guys to come down, sign the papers, and then you can see the baby in the NICU."

I immediately started calling Leland, but he wouldn't answer his phone. Then I called my family, and Leland's family to figure out what we would do with Kennedy and Isabel, as they were not allowed in the hospital. Leland's parents dropped what they were doing and immediately came to the rescue! But still, I couldn't get ahold of Leland! Everyone knew about the baby at this point, BUT him! Finally, I reached him as I was already driving to Salt Lake and told him to meet me at the agency.

Once we got there, we were hit with a bombshell. There was a possiblity that Medicaid would NOT cover the costs!! They could not verify the birthmom's naturalization records in order for her to qualify. This basically means that if we adopt this baby, there is a slight chance that we would have to cover thousands and thousands of dollars for the birthmom and baby's past medical expenses. Our insurance only covers from the time we adopt the baby. Uggghhh. Most likely, though, she would at least qualify for and "Emergency Birth", which would cover at least all of March's expenses, which is pretty much the bulk of it all.

Even though, we weren't exactly sure if we should sign the papers yet, we still felt that we needed to see the baby. They wouldn't give us all-access to him at the hospital (we have to have a caseworker go with us at all times), but at least we could see him in the flesh. He is precious! Absolutely precious! It was so hard for me, though, because the whole time I'm wondering if I shouldn't get attached to him in case things don't work out. Yet, I couldn't help it. ALready my mothering instincts kicked in. I wanted to hold him so bad, but all we were allowed to do was look at him through the incubator. I wanted to protect him, I wanted to whisper that somebody loves him in his cute tiny ears, and just let him know that WE WANTED HIM! It was in all honesty, painful!

We did manage to take some pictures, but that is all I can take home with me... pictures. I'm going back tomorrow to be with him again. I'm going to act as though he's mine until we find out either way. He needs a mommy NOW, whether it ends up being me or not. I can't stand the thought of him lying in that incubator with no one else on the other side of the plastic adoring him and talking to him.

We are supposed to know if Medicaid will cover the costs by early next week. Aaahhh...torture! This will be the longest week of my life! But I feel that we are SO close, and I can't help but have faith and hope that everything will work out. I'll keep ya'll posted!