It's Official!!

We signed the papers yesterday! WHOOOOOO HOOOOOO!!!!!! I can't even begin to describe my elation and joy. My heart is so full of gratitude and love because I know that so many of you (our friends and family) have been praying for us and sending positive energy our way. Prayer is truly powerful....thank you all! It feels so good to offically call him "ours".

Phoenix is doing great, too! He gained almost 2 oz. yesterday, which is double what he is expected to gain per day. We just hope he can keep up that kind of momentum, so he can come home soon. At this point, he is just fattening up and conserving all his energy so he can grow. He continues to be the favorite at the NICU, among the other mothers there and nurses, alike. All of his tests have come back, and he has a clean bill of health. He is truly my little warrior.

They are finally allowing me to hold him and to do some Kangaroo care with him, which I am absolutely LOVING. For those that don't know what Kangaroo care is, it is when you hold the baby to your chest skin to skin. The last time I held him, he drooled a little on my chest and I honestly did not want to shower last night to keep his sweet scent on me. I know, I'm pathetic!

He can still only be out of his incubator 2 times a day for 30 min. at a time, so that is the only physical contact I can get. But I'll take it! Leland has also been able to hold him, and it is so precious seeing him hold his little guy. Warms my heart, it does. We still have to be so careful, though, and I was just told by the doctor that she doesn't want anyone else to hold him other than us. My mom lucked out because she got to hold him before that new rule was laid out.

So now we just watch him grow and continue to send him our love in any way we are allowed to. We know the prayers are working, so keep 'em coming!

I'm in Love!

I haven't posted the last couple of days because I've been back and forth from the NICU and picking and dropping off my girls from various family and friend's homes. In the last 3 days since we first got the call about Phoenix, I have gone to see him every chance I can get. The tricky part is that we cannot go and see him without the caseworker. She has to be there until we sign the papers, and we cannot sign the papers until Medicaid has signed off! GRRRRRrrrr.... Oh well, hopefully it will just take a few more days.

Phoenix Abel Jones, that's what we have decided to call him. We thought of Phoenix because it is such a strong name and has strong symbolism as well. Abel is his mother's last name, and we wanted him to have something from his heritage. We know very little (basically nothing) about the father, other than he is also from Sudan and now lives in Tennessee. The mother lived in Sudan until it got so bad there that her family moved to Egypt when she was 6 or 7. Then in 2001, she and her family moved to the U.S. as refugees. I saw a picture of her and she is absolutely beautiful. I also saw a picture of her 9 month old (that's right, 9 month old!) and he is adorable! He was born at 25 weeks, and looks very healthy, so I am very optimistic about Phoenix.

Yesterday, I got to change Phoenix's diaper! It was hard trying to get around his little bird legs and all his cords, but I did it. The nurses told us that you can tell how dark he will get if you look at his little male parts and the buds of his fingernails. He should be pretty dark! This doesn't surprise me because I knew that the Sudanese are very dark. I can't wait to see him once he gets all his color and fattens up! He is making so much progress that hopefully he will be able to come home in the next few weeks. One day at a time, until then.

His bilirubin(sp?) levels were up, so he needed to go under the lights. After he got his little sunglasses on, he just stretched out as if he were sunbathing, kicked back and relaxed! He was on the lights all day yesterday, so I'm anxious to see him today and see if he is still under them. I'm also anxious to see if he gained weight. Basically, in order for him to come home he needs to get to 5 pounds, regulate his own body temperature, and eat on his own. He is such a fighter that I have no doubt he will get there quicker than the nurses and doctor think he will. Already, he is the favorite in the NICU. He has been dubbed, Feisty Phoenix! He is known for pulling out his cords, and is so strong that it is hard for the nurses there to change his diapers and keep his monitors on. That's my boy!

Please continue to throw your thoughts and prayers our way, we know they are working! Hopefully, the next time I post we will have signed the papers, and Medicaid will have gone through.

Crossing Our Fingers!!!

Yesterday, after my last post, another agency called and asked if we would be interested in a baby boy. He was born prematurely at 31 weeks and only weights 3 1/2 lbs. Both of his parents are refugees from Sudan, and the mother has already relinquished her rights. The adoption fees were significantly lower, and Medicaid was covering all birthmom and baby medical expenses. We said, "Yes!", of course, and so again we sent our profile to the birthmother to be reviewed, along with other profiles the agency sent out to her. They told us that we would know the next day! This time, I really tried to not involve myself emotionally because I had already gotten my heart broken twice just in the last week! Leland and I just felt really calm....with a little pinch of nerves here and there throughout the night and into this morning.

I worked at my P.T. clinic this morning, which was nice, because it kept my mind off of everything. Then once I got home, Leland left to go running to train for his upcoming marathon. Within 10 minutes of him leaving, I got a call from the agency. "Hey Robin, how are you?" Me: "I dunno....goooood???" Agency: "Well, ______ liked your family!" Me: "Are you serious??? EEEEEeeeeeeeeee!!!! EEEeeeeeeeee!!!! She picked us?!" Them: "Yes, she picked your family. We need you guys to come down, sign the papers, and then you can see the baby in the NICU."

I immediately started calling Leland, but he wouldn't answer his phone. Then I called my family, and Leland's family to figure out what we would do with Kennedy and Isabel, as they were not allowed in the hospital. Leland's parents dropped what they were doing and immediately came to the rescue! But still, I couldn't get ahold of Leland! Everyone knew about the baby at this point, BUT him! Finally, I reached him as I was already driving to Salt Lake and told him to meet me at the agency.

Once we got there, we were hit with a bombshell. There was a possiblity that Medicaid would NOT cover the costs!! They could not verify the birthmom's naturalization records in order for her to qualify. This basically means that if we adopt this baby, there is a slight chance that we would have to cover thousands and thousands of dollars for the birthmom and baby's past medical expenses. Our insurance only covers from the time we adopt the baby. Uggghhh. Most likely, though, she would at least qualify for and "Emergency Birth", which would cover at least all of March's expenses, which is pretty much the bulk of it all.

Even though, we weren't exactly sure if we should sign the papers yet, we still felt that we needed to see the baby. They wouldn't give us all-access to him at the hospital (we have to have a caseworker go with us at all times), but at least we could see him in the flesh. He is precious! Absolutely precious! It was so hard for me, though, because the whole time I'm wondering if I shouldn't get attached to him in case things don't work out. Yet, I couldn't help it. ALready my mothering instincts kicked in. I wanted to hold him so bad, but all we were allowed to do was look at him through the incubator. I wanted to protect him, I wanted to whisper that somebody loves him in his cute tiny ears, and just let him know that WE WANTED HIM! It was in all honesty, painful!

We did manage to take some pictures, but that is all I can take home with me... pictures. I'm going back tomorrow to be with him again. I'm going to act as though he's mine until we find out either way. He needs a mommy NOW, whether it ends up being me or not. I can't stand the thought of him lying in that incubator with no one else on the other side of the plastic adoring him and talking to him.

We are supposed to know if Medicaid will cover the costs by early next week. Aaahhh...torture! This will be the longest week of my life! But I feel that we are SO close, and I can't help but have faith and hope that everything will work out. I'll keep ya'll posted!

Yesterday was a tough one. Again, we had a birthmom presented to us who had twins prematurely a few months ago. They are now ready to leave the hospital, and so now is when the birthmom can choose a family for her babies. We were again very excited; what are the chances of 2 sets of twins in the last 2 weeks?! From what we hear in the adoption world, it is EXTREMELY rare for twins to come up for adoption. It's hard enough to give up one baby, but when it comes to giving up 2, most birthmothers have an even harder time and back out.

That was not the case with this birthmom. She was ready to choose a family. So our profile was sent out and then we waited. If we were selected we would have to fly out the next day! It was hard not to get my hopes up... But, As you probably guessed, we were not selected. Sigh..... Again, I have to trust in the Lord. He knows what baby (or babies) are supposed to be in the Jones family. As much as I would love to control this area in my life, I can't!

Also yesterday, I reconnected with a friend from church, back in California, on Facebook. After chatting back and forth a few times, I found out that she just lost her 18 month old son to meningitis a few weeks ago. I then started reading her blog and her friend's blogs about the heart-wrenching ordeal. Through it all, she expresses gratitude for the gospel of Jesus Christ and how much comfort it gives her to know that she and her husband are an eternal family. I was so impressed with her and quite honestly, just in complete awe. I don't know how I would handle losing one of my babies. Especially so suddenly.

This put everything back into prospective for me. I know that my Heavenly Father has a plan for me and my family. I know that He prepares us and challenges us so that we may grow and become better people. I, too, am so grateful to have the testimony of Jesus Christ that I do. I am grateful for my adoring, supportive, amazing husband, and the 2 beacons of light and joy in our home, Kennedy and Isabel.

I feel humbled as I write this this morning, but also renewed.

No Twins :(

It looks as though the birhtmom with the twins has already chosen another family before we had a chance to present our profile to her. I'm sad because I felt drawn to her and her babies, but I know that it just wasn't meant to be now. The agency said that they did have a few birthmoms that WERE interested in us, though, so I think we are going to forge ahead and be presented to those families. There is a sigh of relief somewhere in my mind and body that we will not be adopting twins, but my heart is a little sore. From what I hear, this goes with the territory. They don't call it a JOURNEY for nothin'!

Update....

Okay, so as of this morning, we found out that we qualified for a line of credit through The National Adoption Foundation. We now have the money upfront to be matched with a birthmom! (Our prayers have been answered!) As soon as I found out that we had the money, I quickly called the agency back to see if the birthmom who was having the twins had already picked her family. She said that she didn't know and would get back to me as soon as she found out. So now I am anxiously waiting to hear back from her caseworker. We are keeping our fingers crossed... Either way, I am trusting that God knows what is best for our family. If we are meant to have those babies, we will. If not, then they were not meant to be in our family. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers; we KNOW they are being heard.

I will update more info just as soon as I know anything...

Latest Development

There is a possible situation where we could adopt twins!! We got a call late last night about it. Apparently, the birthmom had no idea she was pregnant with twins until Wednesday. I guess the other baby was hiding! Immediately, Leland and I felt really good about it. We are literally SCRAMBLING to figure out how we are going to pay for it, though. So far we can only come up with $15K, and with it being twins, now, we have to come up with another $15K (more attorney fees, travel, etc. )before we can proceed any further. I'd like to say that I'm keeping the faith, but to be honest, I can't see how we will be able to do it. She is due March 28th, which literally means any day now, especially for being pregnant with twins.

Leland and I have NEVER asked for money or help so this has been hard for us to do. But I feel that we are at a desperation point where we are pleading for our cause to bring these babies home. Please read over the fundraisers to see how you or anyone you know can help. Please pray for us!!